and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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