dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
