dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
