Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
