I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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