We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
