Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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