May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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