Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
