You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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