Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
