I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
