I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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