I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
