I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
