glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
