So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Randomize
