Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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