I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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