I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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