my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
