I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Even my vagina gasped.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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