They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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