I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
