Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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