im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
