my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
