Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
