grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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