You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
