I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
