Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
