I'm drive I can fine osifer
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
