I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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