I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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