Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
