addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
