you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
