I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
