Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
