Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
