I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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