You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
The beer is more important than you right now.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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