My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Randomize
