the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
