Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
