she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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