Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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