So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
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