i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
