He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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