we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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